Women are evil

January 26, 2012 § Leave a comment

Warning, this post contains spoilers for Zelda: Skyward Sword, and Katawa Shoujo.

OK, so let’s start this off.  In SS, at the start of the game, you’re playing a bit of a slacker.  He’s naturally good at whatever he does, has a special bird, and is best friends with a major hottie.  Basic cinematic standard demand that he go through a character arc.  So, he of course does.  However, there’s two things going on here, the first part, is the raw gameplay element, searching for stuff, getting Triforces, passing challenges.  Link grows throughout the game by going through what the game tells him to do.  Side characters will comment on how he’s looking more mature, more grown up.  You, as the player, cannot affect this.  You can’t help that Link grows.

You can’t help it, because Zelda is a bitch.  I mean, she’s your childhood friend, she knows you better than anyone, but more than that, it turns out that she’s the embodiment of the Goddess.  So, she falls to the world, that she can’t help, and she begins to remember things from her life as the Goddess.  Then, this Zelda/Goddess hybrid(who from now on will just be “Zelda” for simplicity’s sake), specifically acts in a manner to get Link, the chosen hero, to chase after her.  She manipulates your character emotionally, with the purpose of making him the hero he needs to be.  Your character spends the whole game being used, trying to rescue someone, who, while she needs rescuing, doesn’t necessarily need it from you.

To change topics slightly, I want to talk briefly about Katawa Shoujo, aka. “Cripple Girls” for lack of a better term.  One of the potential characters you can romance is Lilly.  The important thing with Lilly is that her family lives in Scotland.  There’s a scene involving her tearfully confessing to your character, begging you to never leave her, talking about how they have to always be together.  As part of the “Neutral” ending, Lilly leaves you to live with her family.  Here’s the thing though, she gets the offer to go live with her family before she confesses her undying love.  She says all of this, with the thought on her mind that she might leave.  She manipulates your character, avoids the truth with him, and however she may feel about it, in the end, she leaves him.  So, Lilly’s a bitch too.

But this is okay.  People are like this in real life.  We manipulate the people around us all the time.  So, bravo to both these games.  They have shown what people are really like, manipulative, self serving twats.  Does the end justify the means?  Maybe.  But it won’t change my opinion on women.

That is that boobs are great.

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